


No Longer A Secret

by never_bloom_again



Series: Secrets Revealed [1]
Category: Criminal Minds (US TV)
Genre: (Hotch is unofficially the mum), Angst with a Happy Ending, Bi Derek Morgan, Coming Out, David Rossi is the team dad, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Gay Spencer Reid, Getting Together, Hurt Derek Morgan, Hurt/Comfort, Lesbian Emily Prentiss, M/M, Moreid, Outing, Panic Attacks, Pre-Relationship, Pre-Slash, Team as Family
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-28
Updated: 2020-07-10
Packaged: 2021-03-02 19:22:10
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 17
Words: 11,348
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24421978
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/never_bloom_again/pseuds/never_bloom_again
Summary: Derek had figured he would be able to keep his secret forever, at least for longer than he had. He kept it as quiet as he could, he played up the womanizer role that everyone very easily believed. He flirted with women at bars, took them home, never once giving men a second glance. He thought that would be enough to allow him to keep himself hidden deep in the closet, but it wasn’t.
Relationships: Derek Morgan/Spencer Reid
Series: Secrets Revealed [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1825363
Comments: 154
Kudos: 391





	1. Inciting Incident

**Author's Note:**

> Hello! This is my new fic. It is a fic about Morgan being outed to the team, and it will eventually be Moreid :)  
> I hope you enjoy!!

The shame was the worst part. He felt nauseous with embarrassment, and disgust at himself. Of course this had happened. He had just for once wanted to be able to keep this one secret for himself. He hadn’t been able to keep one of his greatest shames from the team - any chance of that had been broken the moment the team arrived in Chicago after his unfortunate arrest - but for the other one to come out as well, to be honest, it was almost all too much.

Derek had figured he would be able to keep his secret forever, at least for longer than he had. He kept it as quiet as he could, he played up the womanizer role that everyone very easily believed. He flirted with women at bars, took them home, never once giving men a second glance. He thought that would be enough to allow him to keep himself hidden deep in the closet, but it wasn’t.

He felt bad for running out of the room, for the quick reassurances he left the team with - it hadn’t even been their fault. He felt guilty for upsetting them, for being the reason they were all taking turns knocking on the door of the bathroom where he sat, elbows on his thighs, head in his hands, trying to quell the panic attack he could feel rising inside of him.

‘Breathe in, breathe out,’ a mantra being repeated in his head as he tried to stop himself from hyperventilating, from making it clear just how bad everything was. But the team already knew. If it hadn’t affected him so much, he would have brushed it off and made a joke about it. He might have shook his head, made a snarky comment, returned to his paperwork. He may have even just have said his farewells for the evening, and driven home. 

Instead, he was in the bathroom, on the ground, at the brink of a full panic attack. He felt weak, something he had done his best to avoid, to never feel. Because weakness reminded him of his two now non-secrets. He was weak for letting Buford touch him, for being so affected by it. And he was weak for being too scared, for hating his sexuality too much to be out.

He had always admired people who had the strength to be proud of their sexualities, to flaunt them unashamedly. That had always been one of the things that had drawn him to Spencer, that had made him adore the boy so much. Because he was out at work, never making a big deal out of it, but being honest about it.

It made Derek’s fear irrational in a way. They accepted Spencer, so why wouldn’t they accept him? But in his eyes, being out as the nerdy genius was very different to being out as the tough muscular man who was there for his physical abilities. People didn’t like those who were so far outside of the stereotypes, and that was exactly who, what Derek was.

His thoughts wouldn’t stop racing, his heart wouldn’t stop pounding, and he was barely keeping the tears from falling. He couldn’t leave like this. He would have to wait them out, a battle of the wills, biding his time until they finally gave up, returning to their desks, or leaving the office completely. Derek hoped that it would be soon, that they would quickly stop knocking, back away, give up trying to drag him out. He gave up trying to make out their words over the sound of blood rushing through his head.

As the voices got softer, the steady thrum of his heart beating loudly quietened with it. The anxiety, the panic, the fear began to fall, just enough to make room for another emotion - embarrassment. Not only was being outed humiliating, but the whole team, and possibly others, had seen him break down. They saw Derek as his face turned red, as he realised what had happened, as his breathing became crazy and tears threatened to fall, as he raced out of the bullpen to the bathroom.

And Derek would have to face the team tomorrow. Even if he managed to outwait them for the remainder of the afternoon and into the evening, he would still have to go to work the next day. Maybe he could take a sick day - the whole situation was making him feel sick to his stomach. 

Leaning back against one of the walls of the cramped stall, he glanced down at his watch. Time was passing so slowly, with stress, worry and boredom plaguing his mind. At least it had been later in the afternoon, just after 4:00pm. If he could wait just a couple of hours, he would be fine. As his mind began to clear up, he realised that if he could just wait out Spencer and Pen he would be fine. 

Being his two closest friends, they would be the ones freaking out over him, trying to ensure he was okay - especially given his Baby Girl’s natural disposition and Spencer being the only other out member of the team (although everyone had a feeling about Prentiss, it had never been discussed). The more he became rational, the more he realised that he was better off speaking to some of the team tonight, Hotch being one of the people he definitely should.

As the team leader, and the “mother” of the group, Hotch would no doubt be concerned for Morgan, on both professional and personal levels. He would certainly want to ensure that the team was still able to work cohesively after the day’s events, but he would also be concerned about Derek’s wellbeing, without fussing or being overly intrusive. He would be the easiest to talk to, and the one he would need should he decide he did in fact need to take a sick day or two.

Then Rossi or Emily were the other two he could deal with that evening. They too were much less interested in getting all up in his business, likely preferring just to check if he was okay. This coupled with them often being the last in the office, behind Hotch, would make them the next easiest. That was, if all went to plan.

He knew that given Rossi was on the older side, him being a buff, black FBI agent and also gay may not sit quite right. If Rossi were to feel at all uncomfortable toward him, Derek didn’t think he could stand it. The man was like a father figure to him, as well as much of the rest of the team. He wouldn’t be able to stay in the BAU with disease between them, and being aware that it would divide the team.

But for now, Derek would have to hope that the team would just leave him alone, sitting on the dirty floor of an FBI bathroom stall, until they left for the evening.


	2. Standing up

The time was slowly going by, and he could still hear the occasional voice of a team mate coming to check on him. As it approached 5:00 and then passed it, he decided that if he heard Hotch come past again, he would go out and talk, unable to withstand the boredom he felt, especially knowing he had files to complete that now would just be an extra task for later

That being said, his boredom was not enough of a motivator to face everyone yet. Maybe if he talked to Hotch, he would be able to take his work home, or use one of the empty offices somewhere in the building. He wasn’t ready to deal with Spencer, or Penelope, or especially JJ.

He did feel bad about not wanting anything to do with JJ for the time being - she was apologetic, and hadn’t meant to do what she had. But that didn’t quell the dis-ease inside him, didn’t regrow the trust that had collapsed between them. It wasn’t her fault she had seen him out that previous night, entering the local gay bar alone, but it was her fault that as soon as there had been a lapse in conversation, she decided to tell everyone. 

Coming out was supposed to be his thing. A thing that he could do as soon or as late as he wanted, or not at all if he wished. Something that he had power over, that he could choose where, and when, and who and how. Not something that would leave him spending over an hour crying on the bathroom floor about.

Derek still hadn’t properly come to terms with his sexuality, what being bi meant for him, and now any chance for him to figure it out in private was gone. There would be pressure to talk things through with his friends, possibly with a Bureau psychologist, despite feeling nowhere near comfortable enough to do that. 

Footsteps against the tiled floors alerted him to someone else’s presence, someone who he quickly identified as being Hotch. Although they often didn’t see eye to eye, Derek knew that he could alway trust Hotch to be kind, fair and objective, and he would never do anything to hurt any member of the team. 

Derek slowly stood up, his knees cracking in protest after being sat down in the cramped stall for so long. He cautiously unlocked the door, and saw Hotch on his way out of the bathroom. He cleared his throat, causing the other man to turn to look at him.

“Derek,” he said, shock in his voice.

“Hey, Hotch, I thought we should probably talk,” Derek responded, scratching the back of his neck, visibly uncomfortable with what was happening, despite having planned it, and knowing it had to happen.

His normally stoic boss looked taken aback, pausing for a moment, “Yes, we probably should. Do you want to take this to my office?”

Grateful for the offer, Derek nodded, hoping that being accompanied by Hotch could stop the rest of the team from trying to talk to him. They made their way to the door in a solemn silence, both overly alert to the uncomfortable situation hanging over their heads.

As they walked towards Hotch’s office, Derek could feel the eyes on him as he did his best to stay staring straight ahead, not trusting himself to hold it together if he saw the looks on any of their faces, were they sad, angry, guilty or disapproving. He loved the team like his family, and couldn’t deal with himself being the one who drove them apart.

The door shut behind them, and Derek let out an audible sigh of relief. He sat down into the chair, and felt his boss’ eyes on him. 

“Morgan, you need to know that what happened today was a very serious issue, and if you do feel the need to take time off, transfer, or take disciplinary action, you will have my full support. The behaviour-”

“Man, stop. We aren’t just colleagues, okay. This team is a family. This isn’t something professional, this is personal, so stop acting like it.”

“Derek, the behaviour of people in the office was wrong, and I apologise for the situation it has you in. But sooner rather than later, we need to decide what the course of action we will take is.”

“Can I take a few days to figure it out?” Derek began, not sure how long it would take until he could face the team again, not sure if he would be able to. “Tell JJ that I won’t be taking any action against her. She didn’t mean anything.”

Hotch seemed to relax after he said that, relieved that he wouldn’t have to report a member of his team. Derek began to leave, but before he could, Aaron said to him, “Derek. If you need anything, do not hesitate to ask.”

He nodded, and left the office, immediately being back on edge. Despite how well that had gone, he felt too exhausted to face anyone else. He kept his eyes from wandering to see the team as best he could, keeping his focus trained on the floor. He made his way to his car, trying to block out the voices of the team that he heard, until he had passed the bullpen, and had entered the car park.

The car horn went off as Derek let his head fall down onto the steering wheel, before sitting up and driving home, away.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So this isn't the best thing I have written, but I hope you enjoyed it anyway! I will aim to update twice a week, however the next few weeks are my exam period, so I make no promises. 
> 
> Love you all :)


	3. A Different View

As soon as Spencer processed what JJ had said, he knew that the afternoon was not going to go well. When he saw the look on Morgan’s face, that was further solidified. Not once had he seen the man look so uncomfortable, so embarrassed, in all of their years of working together, in all the experiences they had.

Spencer wanted to say something, but he was too taken aback. JJ had said that. Jayje, the woman whose couch he had spent evenings crying on, afraid of his coming out, afraid of his feelings. She had helped him get over his fears, helped him feel confident enough to share his sexuality with the team, his closest friends. 

And despite that, she had just outed a team member. A man who clearly wasn’t ready, who was so visibly scared, it wouldn’t take a profiler to see. It left Spencer clueless, conflicted between comforting one best friend, or yelling at the other.

When Derek ran, with Emily following behind, Rossi and Hotch both watching carefully from a distance, he knew which one to do first. Rage coursing through his veins, he turned to JJ.

“Why did you do that?” he said forcefully, “How could you do that?”

JJ turned to him, eyebrows furrowed, “What did I do? I was just making conversation?”

“JJ, you just outed him! Did you not see Derek’s face? You just outed someone who clearly wasn’t - isn’t - ready to be out! That is discrimination. I thought you were an ally! That you were better than this.”

Spencer was seething with anger. Even if he disregarded the heighenting of his emotions due to the feelings he had towards Derek, her actions were wrong. They had hurt another person, in a way borne out of ignorance, coming off as homophobia.

Quickly realising the gravitas of what she had done, JJ’s face, previously petulant, morphed into a frown, eyes wide.

“I… I’m sorry Spencer! I didn’t mean to do that. I just thought it would be a funny story. I didn’t think it would upset him!”

Now torn between forgiveness and continued rage, Spencer chose somewhere in between.

“It’s not me you should be apologising to. Give him some space for now though. You are the last person I’d imagine that he wants to see.”

Spencer began to walk in the direction he had seen Derek run off. As he left, he passed Hotch and Rossi. He turned to them.

“Is he okay?” 

“We don’t really know,” Rossi shrugged, “he’s in the bathroom. I think Emily is trying to talk to him now.”

“Do you need me to go talk to JJ?” Hotch asked before Spencer walked away. He shook his head.

“I think she just needs to take a moment to consider what she has done.” The bitterness returned to his voice at the thought of her. “I’m going to go check on Derek.”

Spencer tried to keep his mind calm as he made his way to Derek. Thoughts and statistics flooded his mind, drowning out anything else. And he felt guilty. Realistically, Spencer knew that there was nothing he could have done to make Derek feel more supported - Spencer was out as gay! But he wondered if he had never just accepted the womanizer front his friend put up, if he had made it just a bit clearer that he didn’t care what Derek’s sexuality was, then maybe he would have felt like he could talk to Spencer, instead of running away.

He opened the door and saw Emily sat on the dirty floor, her back to the door of a stall. She waved Spencer over, telling Morgan in a soft voice that he was there. Emily stood up and left, on the way out whispering to him,

“I don’t even think he is listening. He has been hyperventilating, possibly had a panic attack. Do you need me to talk to JJ?”

Spencer took a moment to consider it. 

“I think that might help. I kinda yelled at her, but I think she knows she fucked up.”

Emily recoiled for a moment, shocked to hear the young genius swear. She nodded however, and headed out to the bullpen.

Spencer looked down at the floor, debating whether to sit on it, with all the germs that were surely there, but quickly decided to sit. It would be worth the possibility of having to touch the disgusting ground to even just possibly help Derek.

Derek, who was his team mate, his best friend, the man who saw him as an annoying younger brother. The man who he had feelings for, even if he would never admit it. Who he would do anything for, who he wanted to protect, if not physically, then emotionally, because he had experienced so much pain, and he just deserved the good in the world.

“Hey Der,” he began, aware that Morgan probably wasn’t even listening, caught up in his own head, “I hope you are okay. Everyone is fine with it. I know it hurts though. Trust me, I’ve been through it.”

He laughed a bittersweet laugh. There were drawbacks to being a child prodigy at a Las Vegas public school.

“I was going to give you some statistics to prove to you that it will be fine, but I figured you wouldn’t like that, and you have already been hurt enough.

“Hotch, Rossi, Emily, they all just want you to be okay. Even JJ is worried, I think. You would be proud - I yelled at her. Not that you need someone to ‘defend your honour’ or anything like that, but she now knows that she did the wrong thing.”

Spencer leant back against the door, sure Derek wouldn’t care, or even really know what he said, too lost in his own thoughts. He just hoped, prayed to a god that he didn’t even believe in, that Derek would be okay. He knew sitting there was a waste of time, so Spencer picked himself up off the floor, and returned to his desk.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So infrequent updates are coming, but I wanted to get this chapter out now to give you guys a chance to let me know if you like the switching point of view, or would prefer me to stick with Derek. I hope you enjoy! <3


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Derek is at home with Clooney when something happens.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm sorry this chapter is so short! I wanted to get it out sooner rather than later, and breaking here gives the best lead in to the next chapter.

Derek felt uncomfortable sitting at home. He was truly restless. He felt like he should be working, doing something, anything, but at the same time, he couldn’t force himself to do anything, motivation having disappeared with his dignity in the bullpen at Quantico.

He had never been a man for sitting around and doing nothing, hence the several properties he was renovating. But in his current state, he didn’t trust himself with that, his mind too far preoccupied, lost somewhere. 

So he was stuck on his couch, Clooney sitting next to him as he mindlessly flicked through channels looking for anything to distract himself from reality, to make things seem just a bit less crazy.

He contemplated calling one of his teammates, before realising the discussion that would involve for anyone but Hotch - who despite being one of the best men Derek knew, wasn’t really the type to just call for a chat, to keep his mind at bay.

Derek wondered if this was how Spencer felt all the time, his mind having too many thoughts to keep up with, constantly fixating on little things it had no reason to focus on. 

Of course his mind had drifted to Spencer. His best friend, his Pretty Boy, the man he loved more than he should, in a way that he shouldn’t. It hurt to think that their camaraderie could be torn by this, because despite Spence’s own “out-ness,” Derek was certainly not blind to the double standards he would face as a hyper-masculine, alpha-male black man.

He knew that even though they were both into guys, Derek had an infinitesimally small chance of Spencer actually being interested. His Pretty Boy could probably calculate the exact percentage at the blink of an eye. 

He tried to draw his mind back away from Spencer, focusing on whatever random crap was playing one the television. 

Continuing to flick through the channels, Derek turned to Clooney. 

“Hey, you're gonna love this, aren’t you. I’m gonna be around for at least another few days. We can go out on a few trips to the park, maybe. You’d like that, yeah?”

Derek continued to talk about nothing to his dog, if just as a way to distract himself from thinking. The pitbull may not have been the best conversational partner, but he sure as hell wouldn't judge Derek for all his flaws. 

When the doorbell to his house rang, he was suddenly put on edge. He hadn’t been expecting anything or anyone. His neighbours weren’t the type to just pop around for a visit, and the only local friends he was really close with were the team. Immediately assuming the worst, Derek grabbed his gun from the safe near the door, and looked cautiously through the peephole in the door. 

Opening the door, Derek wasn’t sure whether to be horrified, scared or relieved. He settled for a mix of the three.

“Hey Derek,” the voice said as the became face to face.

“Why are you here?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you enjoyed! If you did, you might like to check out my other moreid fic, entitled "Her." 
> 
> Love you all!!!


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Who exactly was at Derek's door, and what will come of it?

“I realise what I did was wrong, and I am so, so sorry. I didn’t think about what it meant. I felt so guilty, so I wanted to apologise.”

Derek was pissed off. What the hell was JJ doing at his house, on his day off, after she hurt him. Rage clouded his emotions, unwilling to just ‘forgive and forget’ what she had done.

“JJ. You shouldn’t be here. Leave. Now.”

She looked offended at first, then quickly calmed down.

“I’m trying to ap-. Nevermind. I’m so sorry. I should go. I just wanted you to know I didn’t want to hurt you. I didn’t think you would be bothered by it. But I was wrong. Spencer has already yelled at me for it, you can too though if you want.” JJ let out a bittersweet laugh.

Derek rubbed his temples with his hand. He was tempted to yell and shout, but he was too tired. He hadn’t slept properly that night, his mind too active, not once pausing to give him a break.

“I’m not going to yell, but you are not forgiven. I just need you to leave.”

“Derek, I just need you to know that the team is okay with it. No one cares! Spencer is out, and Emily kind of is, in her own way. We want to see you back soon. I’m sorry.”

The door slammed shut as Derek filled with even more anger and pain. He didn’t care if the team knew Spencer and Emily weren’t straight. It still wasn’t her thing to say. It was Derek’s thing, and if he was scared, he had a right to be, and if he didn’t want to come out, that was his choice.

He headed to the makeshift gym he had set up in his house, just a small spare room with a punching bag and a treadmill. But that was all he needed. He needed to punch out his emotions, to exhaust himself physically so much that maybe his brain would just stop.

So he punched and kicked and hit, hoping that if he did for long enough the pain from his unwrapped knuckles would take over the forefront of his mind. But it didn’t, and he continued to suffer as his hands bled and his head ached, and nothing would stop and he just - he couldn’t. He had tried to be strong. He had been weak enough when it happened, further humiliating himself by letting it affect him so much, by running, by crying and hyperventilating in a bathroom stall.

He braced himself against a wall, not trusting his legs to hold him as the pain of everything truly caught up to him, wasn’t just thoughts distracting him, hurting his brain, but instead became a debilitating mix of emotions. Everything was clouded by pain, sadness, weakness, fear.

He lowered himself down onto the hard floor, trying to get down before his knees gave out. He was ready to give up. Was this all that there was going to be for him now he was out? Was he ever going to move on from feeling this way?

He would never be able to face the team again, his second family. He was losing everything. And it was all because JJ couldn’t keep her goddamned mouth shut! 

He didn’t want to hate her, to be angry, but he wasn’t ready to forgive her. She had taken so much from him, including his dignity and his trust. He hadn’t felt so… exposed since everything had come out around Buford. And he had sworn to himself he wouldn’t feel that way again. But he did. And as much as he hated that the onus was on someone he saw as a sister. 

Thinking about that made him think about his family. Now it was out in the open, he had to tell them, or they would find out eventually regardless, and he wasn’t ready for a second coming out to be outside of his control.

He knew, much like the team, that in theory, he should have no problems with them, but he didn’t entirely trust theoreticals. His mother grew up in a very different time, even more unaccepting than the current day. His whole family was religious, and that meant old traditional values. It was a war in his head between control and safety, one he had been fighting for years, in regards to work and to home, one on an expedited time schedule now that people knew.

The cold hard floor was uncomfortable to sit on, but barely registered in Derek’s mind. He was tempted to just call his mum, to just have the pain to deal with all at once, but the rational part of his mind cried that it was a bad idea in this state.

For a moment he listened to that part of his brain, but quickly his heart won out, wanting the pain to all be done, to never have to feel it again. Regardless, maybe his mother could offer some of the comfort that he desperately yearned for, even if somewhere inside he questioned if he deserved it, out of some kind of self-hatred borne of living in the closet, of harsh stereotypes, of homophobia surrounding him.

But he loved his mum, and needed her desperately in this moment. So he dragged himself off the floor, grabbing his phone.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I promise there won't be JJ bashing for the whole fic, she was just the only one in the fic that would make any sense and work plotwise :( she is so awesome and I hate doing this to her...
> 
> But anyway, I hope you enjoyed. Thank you for all the hits, comments and kudos! I love seeing them, and they inspire me to write more!


	6. Chapter 6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Derek talks to his Mum

Derek’s fingers tapped out a steady beat on his thigh as he waited for the phone to stop ringing. He was curled up on the couch with Clooney, a blanket draped over himself, but he felt uncomfortable. He cursed his ever-running thoughts once again.

“Pick up,” he muttered under his breath, “pick up.”

His wishes were answered in just a few moments when his mother picked up the phone.

“Hello Der, I wasn’t expecting a call from you today!”

“Hey Mumma, I know, I just wanted to talk to you.”

“Baby, is everything okay? Because you don’t sound it. You haven’t gone and gotten yourself shot again, have you?”

Even in his state of mind, Derek couldn’t help but laugh.

“No, no injuries. I swear to you.”

“Well that makes me happy to hear, I sometimes think you might just be trying to give your mother a heart attack, running into trouble as you do!” Fran paused for a moment, before sighing, “Derek, I know something is wrong, and you can try and distract me all you want, but I think you need’a talk about it. You wouldn’t have called me otherwise.”

Derek wanted to be annoyed at being called out on his bullshit, his measly attempt at avoiding her concern, but he was too busy trying to keep himself from panicking completely.

“You’re right. As per usual. What else should I expect?” Derek halfheartedly chuckled in a vain attempt at keeping the mood bright.

It was now or never. And he had the confidence now, and surely nothing could get worse than it already was - barring a case, or an unsub in his house, although he did ponder if that would actually be favourable to this conversation.

“Mumma, I got something I need to tell you,” his voice cracked despite his desperate attempts to hold himself together, “I’m bi.” 

He let out a choked sob at the end of that statement.

“It’s okay baby, I love you so much. But I have a feeling that's not the whole story, is it?”

Derek mentally cursed his mother’s innate ability to see right through him, to tell exactly what was going on in his mind at almost any time, but that barely mattered compared to the relief that coursed through his veins at what she said.

“So you don’t think anything different of me?” he tried once again to deflect the conversation despite being fully aware of the pointlessness of his futile try.

“I just think you are even stronger than I have ever seen you as before. I can tell that this has been hard on you. But Derek, what’s the story? You know I am going to get it out of you eventually.”

Derek gave up at his attempts at avoidance, giving up on delaying the inevitable,

“Do you remember JJ? From when the team came to Chicago?”

“Yeah, she’s the sweet blonde girl, the media one, right?”

“Yep. She saw me… Entering a gay bar. Alone. And she told the whole team.”

There was a silence on the phone line for a moment’ quickly followed by, “Oh god Der, no wonder you are upset.”

With that, he felt permission to start crying, to be weak, to stop trying to keep up appearances. He wished he could be with his mother in person, to feel her hug him and comfort him, the way she had since he was young, that could truly convince him everything would be all right.

“Mumma, what do I do? I haven’t even talked to most of them! What if they hate me? They are like my other family! I can’t lose another father figure, and I don’t know how I could live without the others.”

Derek’s mother sighed, wishing she could do more to help her son, who was so clearly in pain.

“Baby, I wish so much that I could tell you that everything will be fine, but unfortunately, I can’t promise you that. What I can tell you though, is that you will have plenty of people there for you. I don’t know all of your team very well, but I know that some of them will be there no matter what. That boss of yours would do anything to protect you, that was clear, and Dr Reid? That skinny boy would follow you to the ends of the earth. And your sisters and I, we will be here, whatever happens.”

It took a moment for his mumma’s words to sink in, but they seemed to lift a weight off his shoulders.

“Thank you, you are the best.”

“I know darling, and if you ever need anything, just call me. I can fly over if you need me.”

As tempting as the offer was, Derek graciously declined.

“I love you Mumma.”

“I love you too Derek.”

The phone call ended, but suddenly Derek felt as though he finally had a sense of perspective. He no longer felt as though he was so alone, that everything was so hopeless.

But as quickly as the relief came, it disappeared, with a text, another one he definitely planned to ignore.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you enjoyed this! Next week, sadly, updates will likely decrease, as I am back on campus, and can't just write in class :( Plus I have exams, which unfortunately I have to prioritise. 
> 
> Love you all <3


	7. Chapter 7

Derek was tired. He felt like his life, in just a few days, had turned into a mess of exhausting emotional conversations that he couldn’t escape, and a chaotic array of feelings that he didn’t want nor fully understand.

He just wanted a break, but his internal war wasn’t something he could escape, something he could run from or hide. 

The texts weren’t helping. There seemed to be a constant barrage of them to his phone, and he just wanted to ignore them all. There were two from JJ, apologising once again, one from Hotch, checking up on him, that he had responded to. He had three unread messages from Emily. He knew they wouldn’t be bad, given he was vaguely aware of her having attempted to comfort him as he had a panic attack, but still was, for no particular reason, worried. Maybe it was that he hadn’t had a chance when he was in the right mental state to speak to her, so he couldn’t fully tell what was going on.

Then there were the top three of people who he didn’t want to talk to in regards to the whole outing dilemma.

First, there were an unbelievable amount of missed calls, messages, gifs and emails from his Baby Girl. He wasn’t worried that she would be homophobic, she had been exuberantly supportive of Spencer, and had never once shown any signs of intolerance. He just didn’t want their friendship to change. He didn’t want the casual flirting to end, the ridiculous over the top flirting to disappear, or to become the “gay best friend.” That wasn’t who Derek was. Like most things with the situation seemed to be, it was a war against rationality and emotion - head and heart. His head told him that all would be fine, Pen would still be his princess, but his heart couldn’t help but fight back, screaming that he didn’t deserve it.

Then Rossi. There was one single missed call, a message left on his phone. He was so scared to hear what it said, not ready to lose a father figure. While Derek certainly didn’t have the most ‘daddy issues’ of the team, he did silently wish for a father figure who would be there, who wouldn’t die, like his own father, ruin his life the way Buford had, or leave, like Gideon. At least he had been able to accept that those two weren’t in his control. If he were now to lose one because of something that somehow, he surely had to be able to control, he wouldn’t be able to cope. It would be all his fault. 

Finally there were the messages from Spencer. His best friend, his ‘crush’ - that would be what Penny would call it anyway. He knew they couldn’t be too bad, given that his Pretty Boy was gay himself, but there was something that just put Derek on edge. What if he thought Derek was being rude by hiding a part of himself, or that Derek didn’t trust him enough? What if he thought Derek was weak for reacting the way he had to what JJ had said… Although she did say that Spencer had yelled at her, so he was conflicted. He just knew that he would be completely lost without his Pretty Boy.

He had 4 days left of the leave he had taken, unless there was any case that immediately needed their full attention - which Derek was seriously hoping there wouldn’t be - which gave him a bit of time to deal with each person before he actually had to see them. If all went well, he could return as planned, and depending on how much it went to hell, he could either take extra leave, or transfer. Hotch had already promised his support in either option.

Grabbing his phone, Derek reluctantly decided to check what message from Rossi said. He was still somewhat riding the high of having his mother support him, and decided that he would be hoping for much the same here.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know this is a bit short, but hopefully you enjoyed it!


	8. Chapter 8

“Hey Morgan, I hope you are doing okay. I think the two of us should talk, so if you want to call me at any point, please do.”

Derek didn’t know what to make of the message. It seemed… nice, but it could easily be interpreted in a myriad of other ways, and he was scared of which it would be. 

It was extremely tempting to pick up the phone and call him, but what if it didn’t work? What if it all went wrong?

Trying his best to continue to slowly inhale and exhale, he attempted to calm himself down. There was no use delaying the inevitable conversation that was due to happen, not when he could have it now and at least not then have to walk into work blind to all that could happen.

Derek was surprised that he felt nearly, if not just as stressed as when he was waiting for his mother to pick up. It was proof of the role that the older man had in his life, whether he was aware of it or not.

“Rossi here,” came through the phone a moment later, the gruff tone making Derek look out to a window and realise just what time it was.

“Hey Rossi,” Derek began, “sorry if I woke you.”

It was then that Rossi realised who he was talking to.

“It’s all good, I think I’m just getting old. How are you holding up?”

Derek sighed. “Well I’m keeping on going, I guess,” he paused for a moment, “I got your voicemail, and figured now was as good as any time to have that chat.”

“Okay, let's do that. I had a very similar talk with Spencer when he came out, and I’ve had a few with Emily, so I thought now might be the right time to have one with you.

“A lot of people assume since I am old and religious that I would probably have a problem with homosexuality, and that makes sense. But I want to make it very clear to you right now, so we are completely clear that this does not in any negative way impact the way I see you. 

“I think that even though this happened in a horrible way, not remotely of your own volition, you are so strong for being able to live as the person you really are. I wish I had that same confidence, self-belief and strength when I was younger.”

Derek nearly choked on the air he was breathing in. There were a lot of layers to what he was hearing. Rossi was fine with his sexuality, a huge relief for him, allowing him to let out a breath he hadn’t realised he was holding in. That last sentence was something though - what exactly did Rossi mean by that? He couldn’t help but wonder if that last part may have been in some way a subtle confirmation to the whole “Hotch and Rossi should have married each other to save a few divorces” joke that was occasionally made amongst the team. How statistically improbable would that be? Reid could probably calculate that.

“Honestly man, you have no idea how glad I am to hear that,” Derek said, and it was true. He was so glad to know that he wouldn’t lose his father figure, and was less likely to have to leave the team.

“Kid, you, Spencer, JJ and Emily, you are like the children that I never got to have. And I don’t mean that in any weird way, but just to demonstrate how proud I am of you. In the years that I have known you, you have done some remarkably stupid, dangerous and reckless, if well intentioned things,” Dave paused for a moment, leaving Derek wondering where on earth he was going with this train of thought.

“I think this is the biggest show of your true character that I have seen. Most people would have lost their shit, yelled or made a scene, but given the circumstances, you dealt with everything in the most calm and dignified way that could be expected of you. It makes me so proud to see you do that.”

It was almost possible to hear Derek’s smile from across the phone. “Thank you so much Rossi, thank you.”

Even if Derek couldn’t see through the phone line, Dave grinned, “No problem Derek, thank you.”


	9. Chapter 9

Spencer stared at the file in front of him, attempting to read, but the words not quite registering. He was worried. He hadn’t heard from Derek at all, and whilst he knew he wasn’t the only one, he couldn’t help but feel especially stressed about that. He had always thought Derek to be one of his best friends, and was confident that the other man felt the same way, even if he didn’t return Spencer’s other feelings.

His mind kept battling to convince him that the reason Derek was ignoring him was because they weren’t that close, and he didn’t trust Spencer enough, and Spencer therefore clung onto the fact that he hadn’t talked to Garcia or Emily yet either.

Being stuck at his desk for the last few days hadn’t helped either. He didn’t mind doing paperwork, or looking at cold cases for the most part, but with everything going on with Derek. He was praying to a god he didn’t even believe in that something, anything would happen. He had never wanted for there to be a serial killer, spree killer or kidnapper quite so much.

Admittedly, Spencer wasn’t quite sure that being on a case would be any better. The office was nothing if not tense. The bullpen was chaos, with an invisible war being fought between JJ, Emily and Spencer. Garcia had refused to talk to JJ at all ever since she found out what had happened, but not before yelling at her for an extended period of time, because she had hurt her best friend, and she was hardly about to let her get away with that. Even though Rossi and Hotch seemed to be trying to stay out of everything, it wasn’t all that hard to pick up on the slight passive-aggression from Rossi, who protected them all like his children, or the way that Hotch had been especially serious and slightly snappy since Morgan had left.

After all, they were a family, and they had always protected each other, even from one another. 

Spencer hated being stuck between his two friends, loving them both equally (albeit in rather different ways), and wanted to fix the problem between them. But he couldn’t expect Derek to forgive JJ, and JJ was definitely wrong, without a doubt. He hated that they were all ignoring JJ, even if he too hated what she did. 

He wished that Derek was around for him to talk this through with. Even if in the academic regard of intelligence, Spencer was smarter, Derek had always had a much stronger hold on his emotions than he did (at least when helping others with their issues, anyway.)

But Derek had enough struggles of his own. He was the one sitting alone at home, probably bored out of his mind, scared of how his family, his friends thought of him.

“Everyone to the round table room now. We have a case.”

Hotch’s announcement drew him from his thoughts. Well it turned out that his prayers may have just been answered.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry it is so short! I hope you enjoyed it :) I decided to do a Spencer POV because I have a bit of writers block, but it should be back on track from here.


	10. Chapter 10

A case. Of course there was a case. In a way, Derek was grateful. It would give him something to distract himself from wallowing in his own self misery, contemplating whether or not to call or text someone. 

But know, he would be stuck on a small plane, and then in some random town, with the people he was just outed to, the woman he was just outed by and his best friend who he was in love with and had completely cut off. 

Yeah, things weren’t looking or feeling too good to Derek.

But now wasn’t the time for him to be whining to himself about all of his issues, not when there was some crazy murderer out on the loose, when there were families who had lost their beloved, waiting desperately for just the smallest bit of closure.

So he quickly readied his go back, letting his neighbour know that he was leaving, and asking her to feed Clooney. He then got into his car and drove directly to the airport, ready to be briefed on the case once he got on the plane.

The drive was uncomfortable at best. Derek felt restless, his fingers tapping on the steering wheel as he tried his best to keep his focus on the road in front of him.

The trip to wherever the hell they were going would be even worse, given the tension that would without a doubt still be hanging over everyone after all that had happened. At least Garcia was staying at Quantico, which was a miracle - having to see her, and talk it all through - that would be well and truly too much.

He got onto the plane, greeting Hotch as he handed him the case file. Derek blindly took a seat, focusing on quickly reading whatever horrors were contained inside the folder.

Given his luck, he should have expected the case to be much like it was - young boys being kidnapped, molested and murdered. Of all the things he could have returned back to, that had to be the worst. Not only would there be the tension of his outing hanging over their heads, but Derek would also have to deal with the pitying concern from his teammates that although sometime necessary and appreciated (given it showed how much they cared as his family) would just serve to irritate Derek to no end.

The plane had begun to take off just as he had finished reading through the file, and Derek prepared his theories to discuss with the team. However in much the same manner as the rest of his day, he turned around and saw Spencer, sitting right next to him, looking ever so slightly worried.

And his friend’s big, sad eyes made him feel guilty for not talking to him - he never wanted to be the one to put a look like that on Spencer’s face. But until this case was done, until no more of this town’s young boys were being violated so horrifically, until families didn’t have to worry if their son would be next, he couldn’t let himself focus on that.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> just letting you know now, this will not be a case fic, nor will there really be any chapters like that. as such, the next chapter will skip to when the case is done, with maybe just a few snippets of what happened during the case.
> 
> your comments and kudos make m y day, thank you so much! i hope you are enjoying this :)


	11. Chapter 11

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'M SORRY THIS IS SO SHORT  
> i had originally planned for this to be longer, but i have been working on my other fics (Dirty Dirty, and a new installation of Deserving of Love), and wanted to get something out ASAP since it has been a few days.

The case was over. His distraction was gone. He could no longer delay the conversations that needed to be had, could no longer use the importance of the case as something to hide behind. 

He had somehow managed to be left alone by the team thus far into the flight back, probably due to his clear discomfort and discernable reaction to all that had happened on the case. But Derek didn’t trust his luck to hold out any longer. 

He had managed to avoid his Baby Girl for the whole case, out of what could only be described as a minor miracle - there had always managed to be something more important for him to do, or someone else there to take the call - and he suspected that it may have been Hotch’s way of showing his support, allowing him to deflect the conversation until a later date.

But now they were on the jet, and everyone bar him and Spencer were asleep. Hotch and Rossi were sitting down the back, sleeping in two of the chairs, Emily had taken the couch, and JJ was curled up on her own, as far from the rest of them as she could get. Although things were getting progressively less hostile between them all, it was still painfully awkward - the case had not cured that.

And he was stuck, sitting opposite Spencer, trying to avoid a conversation that needed to happen. He tried to lose himself in the music coming through his headphones, but after one last failed attempt, he resigned himself to having an actual discussion.

“Hey Reid,” he said, his voice hushed as not to disturb the rest of the team.

Spencer turned his head up, his attention moving from the book that he held.

“Hey Morgan.”

The conversation hadn’t even begun yet and it was painful. The words didn’t follow between them as they always had, and it nearly died out before it had properly had the chance to begin.

“I’m sorry, Pre.. Spencer.”

Spencer recoiled.

“Sorry for what?”


	12. Chapter 12

“Derek, you have no reason to be sorry!” Spencer exclaimed, his voice just slightly too loud for the otherwise quiet plane.

Derek shook his head. He had a lot to apologise for. 

“I should have told you. I shouldn’t have kept it a secret from you.”

“You don’t have to apologise for that. It’s something private, and it doesn’t take a profiler to tell you have trust issues.”

There was a silence between them for a moment.

“If I was going to tell anyone, I would have told you,” Derek said in an attempt to lighten the conversation and revive it.

And it was true. Despite his persistent avoidance of the discussion that they were having, if Derek had the chance to come out in his own time, on his own terms, it would likely have been to Spencer first.

“I just didn’t want you to think differently of me. I know it’s a bit stupid, given that you are gay and all, but everyone just knows me as being a ladies’ man, and it was easier to go on that way than let that change.”

Spencer laughed at that, but let Derek continue.

“I had never actually come out to anyone before this. I wanted it to be my secret, because for a long time, I was ashamed of it, especially given… well you know. When you came out, and someone I knew was out, it made it easier for me. For the first time, I considered coming out, even if just to one person. But then I was arrested, and one of my two big secrets came out. I just wanted the normalcy of keeping it to myself. It made me feel safe, less like everything about me was open for everyone to see.”

It felt weird for Derek to be so open with anyone, but his Pretty Boy had always been different. His persistent attraction to the man had always made him behave in a way that was different to how he acted with other people. 

Not open enough to share his feelings, though. He was too painfully aware that even though Spencer wouldn’t judge him for being bisexual, he very well may for being attracted to him. One sided attraction, especially one as strong as what Derek felt, could never end in anything good.

“Derek, I hope you know that I would never judge you for anything short of murdering children, okay? You are my best friend, and I don’t want to lose that, lose you. So please, if there is anything that you ever need to talk about, you can talk to me. I can’t promise I will be helpful, but I can’t lose you.”

If only that were true, Derek thought. There was no way that things could remain the same if he told Spencer the full depth of his feelings, but regardless, he grinned at his Pretty Boy through the pain and thanked him. 

“You don’t know how much that means to me, kid.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry it has taken a while, I have been working on my other fic (also Moreid, called 'Dirty Dirty' if you want to check it out) but I hope you enjoy :)


	13. Chapter 13

“Baby Boy, thank you so much. You don’t know how much that means to me, kid.”

Spencer tried to hide his reaction to the new nickname, but couldn’t help the bright red blush that coloured his pale face, ears and neck. For years he had been Spence, Reid, Doc, kid, or Pretty Boy, along with about a million others. But never Baby Boy. He was Pretty Boy, Garcia was Baby Girl.

It probably didn’t mean anything, he thought, just a slip of the tongue. He knew from Garcia that the two of them were yet to talk. The days since Morgan’s outing had probably been the longest stretch they had gone without talking, and it had probably just been an involuntary reflex, his brain not used to going so long without the flirting.

The pilot then announced that they were preparing for arrival, that they would be soon starting their descent, rousing the others from their sleep. Not wanting his behaviour to be noted by the rest of the team, he picked his book back up, and tried to distract himself with the words on the page that no longer held any interest to him.

Baby Boy. His mind wouldn’t stop drifting to the nickname. Derek had about a million, but this one was more intimate, and only brought the feelings he had even closer to the forefront of his mind. He wanted to believe that it did mean that there was the possibility of something else being there, that he wasn’t the only one with feelings.

But even with Derek being bisexual, Spencer still had no reason at all to thing that Derek would be attracted to him. It was almost enough, however, to make Spencer blurt his feelings out, to say what he had wanted to tell Derek for years.

And maybe he should, Spencer thought. Derek had been so honest with him, so it was only right that Spencer do the same. Their talk had renewed Spencer’s faith in how close they were, making him think that maybe their friendship could survive the inevitable rejecting that awaited him.

At least it would be out in the open, no longer tearing up his brain as he tried to move on from this dire, hopeless crush.

When he next had the chance, some time alone with Derek, that would be what he would do. He would tell Derek how he felt. Spencer forced himself to commit to the plan now, well aware of the chance he would back out as the time approached.

But now, the time wasn’t right, and as the plane made its slow descent back towards Quantico, he just hoped the right moment would come sooner rather than later.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sorry it isn't the best, but it is something! life has been a bit hectic at the moment, and i am also in the process of writing a new instalment of my Hotch/Rossi series. This story doesn't probably have too many more chapters left, but we will see what happens!


	14. Chapter 14

Derek felt unbelievably light after his conversation. Yes, he still felt nervous and unsure, especially given all that he still kept hidden, but the relief was insurmountable once it finally hit him.

As he sat at home with Clooney, having long ago left the jet, he decided that he needed to talk to Garcia. He just hoped that the conversation would result in as much happiness as the one with Spencer had.

He picked up his phone, and despite it being relatively late, Garcia picked up right away.

“My Chocolate Adonis! Is everything okay?” She exclaimed through the phone.

“Hey Baby Girl,” Derek said, feeling slightly calmer. “I thought we should talk.”

Penelope let out an audible sigh of relief. “Thank god. It didn’t feel right without you around. You do know that I would never judge you or think less of you? You are still my Sweet Cheeks, I couldn’t care less if you are gay, or bi, or whatever you are.”

“Thanks Pen. I just… didn’t want anything to change between us. And I missed you too.”

Derek had always subconsciously known that it would be okay, he thought, but hearing it out loud, seeing it become reality was a relief. 

“So, Derek, I do think you still have something to tell me…” When she didn’t receive a response, she continued on, “maybe something about 187?”

Of course she knew. Of course. Derek cursed his Tech Goddess in her all-knowing glory. Of course she would pick up on the unrequited feelings he had for a certain genius.

“Doll face, I know that nothing will ever come of it, so just leave it be. It should go away with time.”

If an eye roll could be heard over the phone, Garcia’s definitely would have been.

“Hot Chocolate, if I had known about you being into guys earlier, I could have told you in a heartbeat that you have been in love with our G-Man for years. And given what we know about Spence, and what literally anyone with eyes can see, it may not all be as hopeless and desolate as you would like to think.”

“Baby, I can’t think like that,” Derek sighed, “I can’t get my hopes up just to inevitably have them knocked back down.”

Penelope wished that she could reach through the phone and smack her idiot best friend through the phone.

“Really, Der? I know Boy Genius is well, the smart one, but really, you can’t be that dumb or oblivious. Seriously, talk to him.”

Without any conviction, Derek replied that he would.

“Thanks Baby Girl, I love you, y’know?”

“Love you too, Der. Please, do yourself a favour and talk to him.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I think this story only has one or two more chapters left, but I hope you have enjoyed! Sorry it took so long!


	15. Chapter 15

It had been almost a week since Spencer and Derek had spoken on the plane, and Reid was getting irritated at the lack of opportunity he had received to actually talk to Morgan, to tell him what he felt and get it off of his chest. They had been busy on cases, and when not, doing paperwork, with little time for the team to do anything outside of work but eat and sleep. 

Eventually, however, Hotch took pity on them, seeing their exhaustion. He declared a little after 12 on a day in the office that they would be taking the rest of the day off, and even telling Strauss when she tried to object that he hadn’t seen his son in days, and were anything to stop him, well she wouldn’t want to know what would happen. 

As everyone was packing up, Spencer saw his opportunity and grabbed it. He approached Derek, pretending not to notice how he looked slightly uncomfortable at Spencer’s approach.

“Hi, um… Morgan, would you mind taking me home? I don’t really want to take the Metro, and maybe we could watch a movie or something?”

There was silence between them for a moment, and when Spencer realised that Derek looked like he was about to say no, he quickly tried to use his supposed ‘puppy dog eyes’, that always seemed to help him get his way with the team when he needed to.

“Okay Pretty Boy. I can take you home,” Derek finally replied, giving in.

Spencer mentally celebrated, even if his heart began to beat so much louder in his chest than before. He was nervous, no doubt, but at least it was all nearly done. He would no longer be stuck, hopelessly pining for his best friend, instead having at least tried, given it a go, been honest, in a way that hopefully would not leave their friendship as a broken wreck.

Once in the car, conversation didn’t flow as it once had, blocked in the same way everything seemed to be between them ever since Morgan had been outed. Spencer desperately hoped that with him telling Morgan, with no more big secrets left between them, that maybe it would all soon be back to the way it always was, the way it worked, and things were good. 

When they pulled up outside Spencer’s apartment building, Derek showed no inclination towards getting out of the car with Reid, as he had originally suggested. Spencer waited for a moment, before asking him,

“Do you still want to come up and watch that movie?”

More of his anxiety and worry leaked through his voice than anticipated, although Derek appeared to have mistaken it for insecurity, working in his favour, by guilting him into saying yes.

“Okay, Spence, I’ll come up with you.”

Spencer breathed out. The hardest part was suddenly imminent.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry it has been a little while! And yes, I know I said one more chapter, but as you can tell, that didn't happen. Maybe one more now though :)))
> 
> Love to you all, I appreciate your support on this fic so so much!


	16. Chapter 16

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I just realised I forgot a line at the end, so if you had already read it, maybe reread the end :)

Derek did not want to be at Spencer’s apartment. 

Okay, that was a lie, but he tried to convince himself that it was the truth, because that was easier than facing the harsh reality that he wanted to be there so badly, to cuddle up with Spencer on his couch, to spend time with him, to love him.

Because that wasn’t a thing he could have, his dreams were just that - hopeless daydreams. He briefly considered what his Baby Girl had told him, but quickly brushed it out of his mind. He couldn’t tell Spencer of his feelings, not now, not ever.  
But unwilling to upset Spencer, to see his eyes lose their shine even just for a moment, he headed up into the apartment, trailing behind Reid. 

Once they had placed their bags down, Derek made his way to Spencer’s slightly limited collection of DVDs to pick one, but before he could, he was interrupted.

“Derek? I… well I lied. I don’t really want to watch a movie,” His Baby- no, Pretty, he mentally corrected- Boy paused for a moment, as though gathering his thoughts, “I wanted to talk to you.”

Derek quirked his brow, unsure of what was going on, although his heart began to race as he considered the possibilities - had Spencer found out about his crush and wanted to tell him in private just how disgusting he was for thinking that way about his best friend?

“Do you want to come and sit down here first? I read that it is better for serious conversations if both-”

“Hey, Kid, calm down for a moment. I’ll sit down.” The word serious was running through Derek’s head, an echo like the ringing of an alarm, making him vigilant, and even more on edge.

Once both were sat down on the couch next to each other, there was a peaceful silence, the calm before the storm attempting to lull them into a false sense of security, if both for different reasons.

“I don’t really know how to say this, Derek. I just want you to know before I start that you are my best friend, probably ever, and that the reason I am telling you this is because I trust you so much. And I don’t know if I am even doing this right, I have been thinking about this for… forever and yet not a single idea I have had has seemed good.”

His curiosity grew. What could Spencer be about to tell him that would have him quite so concerned about Derek's reaction? 

“Baby Boy,” Derek cursed himself for the slip up, his face flushing slightly red, although nowhere near as red as Reid blushed at the nickname. “Nothing you say will make me think anything less of you. You have been there for me, or at least willing to have been through everyone finding out about Buford, through being outed, but now you have to give me the chance to be there for you.”

“I guess I should just say it then, but before I do, I just want to apologise. I really don’t want to mess everything up, but you were so honest with me and I couldn’t keep lying to you.”

Derek desperately wanted to interrupt, and say that nothing Spencer did could ever ruin their friendship, and that Spencer didn’t owe Derek anything, that he didn’t have to tell him, but also knew that this was not the time to tell him that.

“Morgan… um, Derek, I like you. Well probably more accurately, love you. I am in love with you.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Now there is almost certainly only one or two more chapters - one will be Spencer's POV, and then possibly one Derek's.  
> I hope you are enjoying this!


	17. Chapter 17

Spencer hadn’t meant to say all of that. Well he had, but not exactly. He wanted to tell Derek how he felt, get everything all out in the open, but he hadn’t particularly wanted to reveal the true depth of his feelings.

He cursed himself as a moment of silence turned into a minute, that stretched on and on, with no clear reaction from Derek, leaving him with no clue where he stood.

Did Derek hate him? Did he not care? Was he simply shocked? Spencer was unsure, and despite his love for gaining new knowledge, the longer they sat there on the couch, the less he wanted to know what Derek would say.

If it weren’t his apartment, Spencer was certain that he would have bolted, but even in his worked up, stressed out state, he couldn’t bring himself to leave Derek sitting alone in his apartment.

But with every second passed, tears he couldn’t hold back began to well up in his eyes, and he wasn’t going to cry in front of Morgan, wasn’t going to reveal any more, humiliate himself anymore. So he needed an escape in a different form.

What he could do, he decided, was run to the bathroom and hide there until Derek decided to leave, since he was clearly showing so little interest in responding to Spencer’s proclamation of love.

So he did, and had he been looking, he would have seen the way that Derek’s head suddenly moved to see where he was going, having been drawn back to reality by the sudden movement. 

Unfortunately, by the time he reacted, Spencer had shut the door, locking it behind him. 

“Spencer!” he called out through the door. Despite the lack of a response, he trusted that his Baby Boy was still listening.

“Spence, I’m sorry, but I need you to listen to me for a bit,” he began, “I’m sorry I didn’t respond to you immediately, I was kinda shocked.”

Listening attentively through the door, Spencer began to breathe a little bit easier, his eyes felt a little less watery. 

He couldn’t tell exactly what Derek was thinking, his emotions were clouding his mind far too much for that, but he was able to tell that his voice wasn’t angry or harsh as he had feared. 

Although he trusted Derek with his life, and knew that he would never hurt him on purpose, he was very well aware of how intimidating Morgan could be, even if not intentionally, when angry, and given Spencer’s emotionally overwhelmed state, he wasn’t sure that he would be able to cope with that.

“Baby Boy,” Spencer hated Derek using that nickname, especially before he was surely about to attempt to ‘let him down gently’, as though there were such a thing.

“I’m so sorry that you thought that telling me would mess up our friendship. You do know that you are my best friend, and that nothing will ever change that?”

Friend-zoned. It was unsurprising, but painful. At least Derek didn’t hate him. Spencer hummed a short, quiet noise that could have been a yes or a no.

“You shouldn’t have felt pressured to tell me, and I promise you that you never owe me anything. But, with that being said, I can’t say that I am unhappy about this.”

Spencer’s mind went into overdrive, trying to figure out what the hell Derek could mean, unwilling to let his mind even consider the best-case scenario - that his feelings were requited, because he was convinced that the idea would be shot down by reality faster than it came, and he wasn’t sure he could cope with the disappointment.

“Please come out of there, Pretty Boy, I want to say this to your face.”

For a moment or two, Spencer considered what he should do, before his weak mind quickly gave into the hope that he wanted to hold himself back from feeling.

He clicked the lock back open, and pushed the door just enough for him to get out of the bathroom. 

And there he stood, face to face with Derek Morgan, who was sporting the biggest grin on his face, white teeth shining, and eyes glistening, but with joy, and not tears.

“Spencer Reid, I love you too.”

It was then Spencer’s turn to stand, too shocked to move, coming back to reality only when he saw Derek’s face just centimetres away from his. When he realised what was happening, he closed the gap, until their lips touched.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> THIS IS IT! well, mostly, I do have plans for maybe one more chapter (although I may post it as a separate part), but this is essentially the end of the story! I started this as a way to get through quarantine, and funnily enough, I finished it just as where I am is going back into quarantine AGAIN. So I hope you have all enjoyed this story, and I hope you found this to be a satisfying (almost) conclusion :)


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